Question for you (she says in her most serious tone, which sounds a little bit like a prepubescent boy):
How many things do you feel obligated to do, just because you are the stronger one???
You’re the stronger partner.
The stronger sister.
The stronger daughter.
The stronger friend.
(And probably the stronger pizza eater, too, let’s be honest.)
And so maybe you’ve made decisions, for a very dank-ass long time, based on the fact that you are in a better position than others to handle LIFE—and therefore, you take on the burden of handling it all.
You make more money, so you pay for all the things.
You can work from anywhere, so you sacrifice where you really want to be.
You’re emotionally adjusted, so you become the therapist of all.
You’re capable and competent, so you take on the workload.
You’re fearless, so you take on everyone else’s fears.
And you’re strong as hell—so you let others be weak. Because you don’t need anyone else’s strength. You don’t need anyone else. That’s the mantra, right?
A while ago I started noticing this invisible script playing out in my own life. Because I’ve never been dependent on anyone else for much of anything—silver lining of having your parents die as a teenager (?!) AND being perfectly fine with eating eggs every day of your life (deadly combo)—I learned how to have the resilience of a warrior. Powered by LOTS of omelettes. And boy, has it been a time!
But something very quiet starts to happen when you are always in charge:
You assume no one else needs to be.
You automatically assume the burden.
And, you make decisions based on the fact that it’s easier for you to show up and do the hard stuff, than asking other people to show up and do the hard stuff.
The end result of this, of course, is that eventually you find yourself living a life predicated on making everyone else comfortable. But, if you were to take a step back and really ask yourself what you want: is it the same as what everyone else wants from you?
This is another core question behind the concept of SELFISH.
I picked the name “Selfish Forever” because I wanted to reclaim the word, and make it okay for us to make unconventional decisions in the name of happiness.
You aren’t bad if you decide to leave.
You aren’t bad if you decide to change.
You aren’t bad if you decide to quit.
You aren’t bad if you decide to prioritize what you need right now.
What I needed right now was time in my hometown—a reprieve—a retreat—a quiet place—a time of reflection. Alone. In the woods. By myself.
And, I decided to give that to myself.
Because sometimes, even if we are the strong ones, we also need to be soft, once in a while. We need to pursue our own comfort. We need to let the burden fall off our shoulders. We need to be zealously ours.
There is something to be said about being true to yourself above all else.
Is that selfish?
Some might say so.
But me?
I think it’s a new form of strength. There is wisdom in knowing when you need to show up for you. And there is power in actually having the nerve to do it.
